thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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