I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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