Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
