I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
