how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
