Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
