its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
