We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just want nice things and good sex
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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