My room smells like vodka and shame
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
