mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The air taste purple.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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