i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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