At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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