everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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