roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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