It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
