Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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