Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
