found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
