I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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