the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
