my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
