she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
