I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
