So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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