I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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