There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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