I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
