Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
