Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
