So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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