Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
