She said her name was "party"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
