Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
