somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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