that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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