Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
