as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
