Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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