the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
