I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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