dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
