You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
