WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
