Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
