She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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