dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
