just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
