38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
