I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
...so i touched it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
