The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
